28 Missing Moments from Survivor 25...

 

 

 

 

 

 

      In honor of the lovely Ms. RC Saint-Amour's 28th birthday, I've compiled 28 moments that occurred during season 25 of Survivor, but never made it to the final edit for whatever reason.  And yes, it is true, that you just can't make this stuff up!

  

 

 

 

 

1) It's not easy bein' green...

That iconic shot at the beginning before the returning players were reintroduced was hardly an ‘on-location’ shot. Due to budget demands and increases in a certain hosts “I’m-a-talk-show-host-now” contract, a green screen had to be used to recreate the lovely ocean in the first episode.

2) Killin' the castaways with cleanliness

While the Survivor’s had to resort to archaic solutions to drying/washing their clothes, the production crew always wore springtime-fresh articles thanks to a state of the art washing machine. Smug bastards.

 

 

 

 

3) Great balls of fire?

This challenge, that involved trying to knock off the other castaways plate-thingamajig seemed innocuous enough, but the original concept of the challenge involved fireballs and sword swallowing. Needless to say, most of the castaways balked and Burnett went back to the drawing board.

 

 

 

 

4) Final accusation: RC, with the spoon, in the shelter

Well, maybe. This one might be speculation, but it certainly seems logical. Here, RC is shown pondering which “weapon” could do more damage on her island nemesis. Abi never would of saw it coming!!!

 

 

 

 

5) Heaven, I need a hug...

 

RC has several moments where she is seen hugging her fellow tribemates, and while her hugs may be loaded with good intentions, the results of the hugged sometimes leaves one wondering just how powerful RC's hugs really are...

 

 

Hugging Mike...

 

Gives him a zesty hairpiece?

 

 

 

Hugging Pete...

 

Turns him into a man without a thought in his head?

 

 

 

Hugging Malcolm...

 

Turns him into Mrs. Freberg?

 

 

 

Hugging Jonathan...

 

Turns him into the Penner Zombie?

 

 

 

And hugging Denise clearly turned her into a reject from Les Miserables...

 

 

 

 

 

 

6) RC gets assaulted by a bunch of Abi-Marie clones!!!

Well, maybe not literally, but with Abi’s combination of frenetic pitch and robust volume of speech, one can easily see how RC felt completely outnumbered in this scenario…This is nigthmare fuel for the masses.

 

 

 

 

7) RC’s hands are portals to technology we’re hardly privy to

During her darkest moments at Tandang, she always found ways to stay amused. No joke. We’re not sure how she smuggled in such intricate nano-devices, but she’s clearly watching the movie Diner here. Ahh, what better way to spend a rainy day??

 

 

 

 

8) Cause you were all yellow...

Yup, there was some serious color saturation that had to be played around with as the bra they gave her was as bright as an army of light bulbs.

 

 

 

 

 

9) RC had magical abilities

Sometimes, she just wanted to tune out all that background noise, and she accomplished this with a simple spell that seemingly froze time, allowing her to focus on strategy rather than absorb Malcolm and Pete’s jock jargon. And the producers didn’t think this would make for good TV because…?

 

 

 

 

10) RC had some fishy friends for support

The playful pals from Finding Nemo were on hand to support RC in this water challenge. She was thankful, but she was so dominant that she hardly even needed the customary “attagirl!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

11) Coming out of her shell?

Assuming the vacant turtle head next to her? That would be host Jeff Probst, trying to steal this jaunty moment with the recently booted RC. Thankfully, the production team opted to re-shoot the scene without that large ham trying to steal RC’s tortoise-thunder…

 

 

 

12) RC wasn’t amused at the camera folks efforts to cheer her up

Puppet shows. Karaoke sessions. Celebrity impersonations. Yup, they tried it all to boost Ms. Saint-Amour’s otherwise drained persona during several moments at camp. All failed, but it was an admirable gesture indeed.

 

 

 

 

13) The life of pie...

That Pete is a joker, but the joke was on him when RC smacked his face with a readily staged pie that was displayed on one of the dessert tables at the Ponderosa. I’m pretty sure that this made RC’s day (or night).

 

 

 

 

 

14) Drink the rainbow?

 

Yes, the fine creators of everybodies favorite rainbow candy was in line to become a Survivor sponsor! Replacing the buoys with giant yellow Skittles seemed like an ingenious form of advertising/product placement. But alas, in the eleventh hour, the CBS-Skittles negotiations fell flat and “ordinary” buoys replaced the confectionary originals.

 

 

 

 

 

15) And speaking of rainbows...

Certainly, RC's peace message far predated the "Miss Survivor 2013" pageant...An ability to summon rainbows on cue certainly qualified her to be the ombudsmen of peace that she parlayed for on Rob Cesternino’s infamous challenge in 2013. Clearly, RC was the rainbow that followed an otherwise wet and rainy season.

 

 

 

 

16) RC wins a sweet bike!

A decent consolation prize, right? Beats your run-of-the-mill toaster oven at least. 

 

 

 

 

 

17) RC could tame Angry Artis!

Thanks to the summoning of magical fairies, RC found a way to sedate Artis in his angriest moments. It’s really no surprise that Artis is seemingly sleepy or half-asleep whenever he was around RC…

 

 

Every little thing she does is magic...

 

 

Instant Rip Van Silvester.

 

 

 

 

18) What was actually written on that parchment?

We were supposed to believe that she was skimming over the idol clue in this scene. But that hardly makes for amusing reading. Turns out she wasn’t actually reading the idol clue but rather, Mark Burnett’s grocery list that accidentally washed ashore. Sweet souvenir!!!

 

 

 

 

19) RC can’t find a seat for breakfast

It’s no coincidence that the producers were trying to stage several RC/Abi conflicts. Clearly RC was in no mood to mingle with Abi here, and she desperately seeks a chair that isn’t perpendicular to her Brazilian rival.

 

 

 

 

20) RC’s swimming exploits hardly went unnoticed

Even the mighty Neptune had to rise from the deepest depths of the ocean to observe RC as she resembled the nimblest of mermaids amongst the mighty waves. Talk about a friend in a high (or in this case, a subterranean low) place!!

 

 

 

 

21) Those camera folks sure have a good time!!!

What better way to break a tense moment than some shadow figures? Tensions and emotions had flared after the final tribal council, and at the very least, RC was amused!!

 

 

 

 

22) Ponderosa has a water slide?

Shhh. Otherwise, everybody is going to want a ride! RC was such a good sport and she could keep a secret that the masterminds behind the Ponderosa showed her this little private grotto that was hidden from most eyes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

23) Go Fish!!!

Fishing is generally a lost art on Survivor, and gone are the days of Rodger spending hours trying to catch a fish with his fishing pole. Well, in this challenge, RC got bored playing by the rules so she decided to test the waters and voila! Dinner.

 

 

 

 

24) RC won the annual Ponderosa water balloon fight!

Yeah, she kicked ass. RC got her revenge in many ways at Ponderosa, but whooping the rest of her Ponderosa mate’s tails at this timeless game was icing on the cake.

 

 

 

 

 

 

25) RC found Waldo

RC spent much of the season looking for answers. Answers about why her tribe had turned on her. Answers about how far she actually could get in this game. Well, amidst all of her searching, she discovered the literary hermit, which was an impressive feat…but to be honest, men with canes and bright red/white clothing hardly make ideal hide and seek players in a jungle. Just saying.

 

 

 

 

 

26) In RC’s downtime, she helped out the heroes on Lost

Well, it was certainly more entertaining than listening to the Tandang alliance bully her around, right? Clearly here, RC is trying to help Jack and Sawyer locate a radio tower so Naomi can contact the freighter and get them all off the island. RC >>> Kate.

 

 

 

 

27) RC’s real final vote...

Okay, this is the one thing that never actually happened during season 25. Just thought it would look pretty cool… ;)

 

 

 

 

 

 

28) Life of Pi (Take 2)

Yann Martel’s masterpiece was pretty perfect, but as with any artistic medium, there is always room for improvement. Replacing Pi with RC and the tiger with a leopard was a perfect place to start said enhancements.

 

 

 

 

 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RC!!!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lionel the Llama says:

Happy Birthday, RC! I promise I won't spit on your cake!!! <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Episode 7: Acta Est Fabula

     

                                  Episode 7: Acta Est Fabula

 

 

     Ever since I started to watch All My Children years ago, I’ve been a fan of soap operas. The appeal, for me, was that they focused on inherent characterization and the struggles that these characters were put through on a daily basis. The storylines weren’t always plausible, but in the fantastical realm that had become said characters lives, it always worked for me. But every now and then, a storyline would come through that seemed more contrived than revolutionary. Such hackneyed plots would undeniably drag the show down a bit, and introduce a melee of melodrama that distracted the rest of the rising action. In the curious case of Lisa Whelchel, I think it’s pretty safe to say that in terms of art imitating reality, Lisa hasn’t lost her touch for theatrics, as she has threatened to hijack Survivor into a soap opera of her own...

 

 

This lady has soap opera star written all over her face...

 

 

This guy has soap opera star written all over his face...

 

     Drama follows Lisa around like trouble follows Lindsay Lohan. From the way that she carries herself in front of the camera, to the way that she acts around her fellow castaways. We’ve seen her fleeting moments where she regressed herself to the resident wishing well; engulfed in tears and self pity. We’ve seen her internalize her struggles when she decided to make a major move in the game (and likewise, when she subsequently apologized profusely for said act). And like a gushy game of table tennis, we’ve seen her pingpong back and forth between her own blustery definitions of loyalty and lunacy. If there was ever a castaway who has hovered more at the precipice of their own moral cliff, I’m not sure I’ve witnessed them yet (Leslie Neace on Survivor: China deserves a quick nod though). Lisa’s constant caterwauling about how every move will define some aspect of the rest of her life is not only distracting, but it creates a lethargic pacing after a while. It’s almost as if she cannot separate her natural acting abilities with the chance to simply play “herself” in front of the camera.

 

 

There's been a lot of this going around as of late...

 

     What will Lisa lament over this week? Like a bad soap opera plot revisited, the audience wishes she can just negotiate with her demons long enough so that the show can move onto the next storyline. For her credit though, it really is amusing just how much dominance she has held during the course of the game. Her self-deprecating, estranged moments at the beginning of the game make her a constant focus of the rest of Tandang. She unearthed Malcolm’s idol, and suddenly, she was in the driver’s seat. She became a an ally of Penner, but was also working as his adversary, concurrently. The past three weeks, the spotlight has belonged to her exclusively, and as the show winds down, she has shown no interest in sharing it.

 

 

I suppose that the tribe that prays together, reaches the final two together

 

 

     But perhaps, hypothetically, maybe Survivor is one giant soap opera; just on a more limited scale. You have a host of storylines that develop naturally as the season plays out. Perhaps, not as gimmicky as soaps, but storylines that certainly are potent enough to define a castaways fate on the show. Through the magic of editing, events can be slightly skewered, and like the Wizard of Oz, Mark Burnett hides behind a curtain, playing puppet master in terms of not only having a hand in the casting, but also with the amount of information we leran about these castaways. There are no scripts though; just the natural conversation and reality that will be harvested by throwing sixteen strangers into a strange land. Everything else, at that point, will play itself out. Alliances will form; tears will be shed; there will be blood; there might even be romance. Mixed passionately into this cauldron of human hyperbole, is a basic quest of outlasting the others, and this recipe is one that has appealed to Survivor fans for the last decade. (And maybe if it was actually a soap, Abi could write-off her loutish behavior as the work of her evil doppelganger, trying to get revenge on her for ruining her fifth wedding).

 

Yeah, this would be one giant telemundo no-no...

 

 

     The producers have a job too though. They need to play up the drama at every turn, whether it be during challenges, or during the camp life. Humanistic feelings like hunger, isolation and separation need to be center-staged for the sake of drama. And when alliances are jaundiced, and natural rivalries begin, it needs to be documented and reinforced for the sake of vital characterization. But it’s easy to sometimes forget how real these people are, and how easily they become ‘characters’ on a grander scale. In many ways, the characters on a soap opera are like castaways. A team of writers mold them, and throw them all into a fictional setting, where they’re suddenly forced to concordantly coexist with each other, and like life on an island, there’s really no place to run. So perhaps, Survivor is more like a soap opera without the guidance of a script. The end result will still be a group of people trying to survive each other, but unlike a soap, the castaways on Survivor find their escape after a finite amount of days. 

 

 

Detective Probst: Digging into the human psyche since 2001.

 

 

     Survivor: Philippines has had a number of captivating plotlines: Mike Skupin’s penchant for injuring himself; Jonathan Penner’s quest to play a complete game; Russell Swan on the couch, his childhood examined for the sake of exorcising his demons; Carter’s journey from halfwit to hero; the unlikely union of Denise and Malcolm finding life, long after Matsing’s expiration date; Angie’s undying love for cookies; Jeff Kent’s ability to masquerade his profession; Abi-Maria’s ability to annoy the crap out of everybody she’s encountered; RC’s inability to find players willing to play the freaking game with her. 

 

 

I swear, I spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to recreate this

 

     In many ways, this bevy of anecdotal opportunity could be one of the things that holds the show back. When Survivor first began, the show was loaded with players who were playing their asses off, and somewhere over time, it just seems like the competitiveness nature of the game has depleted a little. Perhaps, this could be the byproduct of producers looking for captivating ‘personalities’ opposed to competitive ‘players’. I remember Pete and Artis getting on RC’s case at Ponderosa, telling her to essentially ‘get over it‘ , but what may have been lost in translation, was that the ‘game’ was something that she had poured her heart into, and just because she had been voted off of the tribe, it didn’t mean that she was done from the game. The reason why players like Russell H, Troyzan, Penner, Stephenie, Mariano, Marty, Rupert, Parvati, and a handful more (I place RC amongst this elite group without hesitation) are so entertaining is because of their desire to win and when they fail, it’s obvious to all those around them. I just feel the game has become ridden with too many wishy-washy players who are cast more for their ability to ruffle feathers and become a sideshow opposed to casting players who are completely emotionally invested in the game and will do whatever they have to do to win. For that reason, I always like when there is a little bitterness and a little sand in the ol’ craw at the final jury, because it once again proves that these are real people playing this game, and not a collection of automaton’s who were never really that passionate about the game in the first place. 

 

 

 

Failed blog idea: RC & The All Boys Club

                                      

     In summary, it would behoove CBS (in my humble opinion) to seek out potential players opposed to potential headaches. Because I think it’s a lot more entertaining to watch people trying to survive the elements and the harsh realities opposed to trying to figure out how to fashion a gag to shut Abi-Maria up. In the end though, human nature will always prevail, and the castaways will always reveal their true colors. In Lisa’s case, her natural acting talent would eventually find a voice. You just can’t sometimes watch the show and wish that the curtains on her meandering story arch would shut just a bit.   /rant 

 

******************************************************* 

     But how dare we forget about our idle queen of the Ponderosa? When RC fist arrived there, she was already chomping at the bit for a chance to claw at Abi a little. Several weeks removed, RC has become seemingly disenchanted by Ponderosa; Kent turned out to be a big, dull dud…Artis was churlish initially, before gradually opening up…She could never muster any semblance of logic out of Pete’s forked tongue, and Penner and Carter make nice company, but they don’t offer RC the challenge she craves. I feel she still desires to give Abi a piece of her mind, and that the tension has been building steadily after each disappointing tribal council. Ideally, RC seeks validation when Abi walks into Ponderosa as a failure; just like Abi continually tried to make RC seem like the one who had failed. In any case, the stage has certainly been set, and RC has been not-so-secretly practicing for her showdown all along…

 

 

Man, I wish my gym class was more like this...

 

 

Eating plenty of carbs to stay strong

 

 

Channeling her inner She-Ra

 

 

Keeping her mind sharp with brainy strategy games...

 

 

RC: The Warrior Princess!!!

 

 

Enhancing her endurance by swimming

 

 

And now she's like..."Next?"

 

 

And even a little downtime...owing the TV room like a boss

 

 

 

Let's take a moment to observe Abi's training regimen:

 

 

 

Challenge accepted!!

 

 

 

Coming to a Ponderosa near you!!!

 

And RC...who do you think will win this match?

 

 

 

 

Clearly intimidated, Abi pukes behind a tree

 

 

 

Next stop? American Gladiators!!

 

 

 

 

Lionel the Llama's Weekly Spit Award

 

Despite our threatening appearance, llamas are actually very peaceful creatures.  Spitting is our last form of self defense.  This week, I bask in harmony...