Episode 2: New Kid on the Tribal Block

Episode 2: New Kid on the Tribal Block

　

      When Jeff Probst revealed to the tribe that Russell Swan had been voted out, Russell let out a mighty sigh as if the wind had just been vacuumed from his chest. Nine long days of botched assignments, childhood confessions and spiritual manifesto had come to a screeching halt, and Russell had no words left to describe the situation. His failures conspired to create a sigh that’s sure to go down in Survivor lore, and not because it was terribly loud or emphatic; it was noteworthy because of the sheer disappointment that accompanied his obvious lament. And if Matsing was the sinking titanic, than the producer’s of the show made sure that the escape boat had a mere two seats. As Matsing’s number dwindled each week, it became painfully clear that there would be no tribal switcheroo, and that the Russell and co. were stuck at a camp that might as well of been built over quicksand. Survivor: Nicaragua’s Espada tribe was switched up only after a couple of the more amusing personalities had been cast off, and the Zhan Hu tribe on Survivor: China was juggled around after it was clear that they had about as much synergy as a team of replacement referees.

 

      The end result, in this scenario was the final two remaining Matsing players being reallocated to the two remaining tribes. Predictable, but also very necessary. (For the record, I think it may have been more captivating to let Malcolm and Denise dwindle down to one, and then let the two tribes essentially “win” the remaining member in the next Immunity Challenge…the power of the numbers game certainly being a mighty incentive). As a final note on Matsing, Russell would make one more cameo on the show: in the form of a monolithic bug that was clearly annoying the crap out of RC and friends with a buzz reminiscent of a chainsaw and the wingspan of an eagle. Follow the light, Russell…I’m begging you.

 

      It was the Eagles who sang it best: “Everybody’s talking/There’s a new kid in town.” The Tandang tribe would add Malcolm, and whenever there are switches, it always seems like a new season for a familiar sitcom. Everything is the same, but there’s somebody new in the mix, and it always puts everybody’s plan into the metaphysical Yahtzee cup. Yes indeedy, Tangdangville just ordered itself an order of Beefcake, and Malcolm’s charming machismo instantly rubs off on the tribe like butter on a dinner roll. He instantly gave them a boost for challenges…and wasn’t it so sweet to see Burnett loosen the purse strings and allow a reward challenge???

 

      So. I’ve long felt like Malcolm could be the Ying to RC’s Yang, but the initial impressions hardly vexed the clouds from my crystal ball. Taking a cue from Barney Stinson’s The Bro Code, Pete and Malcolm bond over…get this…their age!?!?!? I mean, that’s about as binding as sharing a womb, right? Painted in broad strokes, this bromance was already heating up, and RC was hurting. Desperate for an ally that could go five minutes without needing stitches (no offense, Mr. Skupin), RC saw an opportunity for a trump card. Specters of her past materialized before her eyes as she retired to the place where she finds her heaven: the ocean. It’s impossible for the heart to not surrender a beat as she recounts a childhood that involved bullying. Watching her swim with such powerful strokes quickly reminds us of her strength and resolve to champion her occasionally cumbersome demons. It’s nice to see RC separated from the game a little (most importantly, from Abi-Maria), and despite her disappointments, she shines bright regardless of the overcast and foreshadowing storms. The moment that she hugs Malcolm is warm and optimistic that Malcolm will give RC a fighter’s chance unlike the opportunistic pieces of RC’s first “alliance”. Fingers crossed. Toes crossed.

 

      Playing along with the sitcom analogy, Tangdangville certainly has a very colorful cast of characters, and Malcolm most likely has no idea what he‘s getting involved with:

 

      RC was greatly explored in the last episode of “RC‘s Adventures”, so let’s start with Abi-Maria. Like a spicy meatball, it looks tempting, but you’ll be paying for it the rest of the night if you decide to bite. She’s burning bridges faster than Sherman went through Atlanta, and she’s resting on the laurels of her idol whilst sitting on her hands during challenges and behaving like a total diva around camp. It took precious little time for Abi-Maria to become Nicki to RC’s Mariah, and the fallout has played itself out in every subsequent episode. Abi-Maria plays like a player lacking a serious end game; she’s very much existing in the present, and her trust of Pete could prove to be potentially dangerous.

 

      Concerning Pete, there is a fun little moment in Pearl Islands when Johnny Fairplay fails to court Darrah, and ends up looking even goofier than before (if such a thing is humanely possible). Well, let’s play along with a hypothetical and suggest that Darrah and Dalton consummated: the result would be Pete Yurkowski. Dude gained Darrah’s strong physique and enviable looks, but unfortunately, he didn’t inherit her calm, controlled demeanor. Darrah was a straight shooter who blew threw challenges like a big, bad wolf and kept her cards close to her chest. Like Fairplay (but a tad more cerebral), Pete is a pesky piss-ant that won’t rest until he morphs into Loki and has the forest burning and people begging him to summon the rainmaker. Pete’s strategy consists of more twists than Dan Brown literature, and he’s clearly banking on several implosions to occur in-house that’ll eventually turn the tribe upside down. What he doesn’t realize though, is that he’s going up against some calm vets who are bound to realize his trickery before long.

 

      Mike Skupin is written like one of Shakespeare’s fools, but he knows how to blend into his tribe. In his first ride on the Survivor carousel, he was a type-A personality trying to run the show, and eventually became isolated from the people around him. In this run, he’s more aware of what’s going on around him (mentally…obviously, not physically), and he’s found a way to be a cog without trying to run the whole damn machine. Whether Malcolm’s addition makes him irrelevant or not will depend on how strong his relations are with the following two contestants.

 

      Lisa is a pensive player who wears her introvertness on her sleeve like articles of psychological jewelry. And by appearing aloof and split from the tribe, she quickly had people making an extra effort around her to integrate her. It’s brilliant actually, as she becomes a potential confidant for several players, and as a potential swing vote, she has found a way to avoid the guillotine when the reaper comes a knockin’. She’s a member of the “collective alliance”, as in, the one never spoken of, but when schemes are planned, she’s bound to be included in talks on both sides. She has potential to go very far in this game.

 

      The cantankerous Artis also could go far if he stays under the radar. One can notice a lot of cowboy Rick in his game, and he could also be a potential swing vote. Other than that, very little is known about him. Potentially, like The X-Files Smoking Man or Lost‘s Smoke Monster, he is shrouded in great mystery initially, and is slowly built up for dramatic effect. Alls we know about ol’ Artis is that he’s a horse in challenges and has a menacing stare that would reduce an army of clowns to frownie emoticons.

 

      And that leaves RC. Working cohesively, Malcolm and RC could create a monsoon of hurt on the rest of the remaining castaways. They both have the perfect combination of gumption, athleticism and cunning to reach the top of the game and earn the ultimate payday. But how will Malcolm shake things up? Will he be wooed/swayed by RC’s more subtle alliance or be allured by Pete’s idol, muscle and similar age? Regardless of the path he takes, there will be a number of suitors vying for his vote. With more beef than a steakhouse, Tangdangville’s domination has only begun.

 

 

 

 

Lionel the Llama’s Spit Award:

 

Yurkowski. Wooing Malcolm like a brother in need of a wingman and blabbing about a found idol is tactfully referred to as ‘spreading yourself too thin’. Countdown before the conman get’s conned is…on.